Elevators
There is an old joke, so old that it requires explanation. When I was a young boy, elevators in most buildings had “operators”. There was a crank along the wall, and the “operator” rotated the crank ninety degrees in one direction to go up. When he reached the preferred floor, he then rotated it back to the top to stop. Then the operator would step forward to open the “gate” and let travelers out.
When the call-bell rang from a lower floor, he rotated the lever ninety degrees the other way to go down. He lined up the elevator with the door, so that the floor was level with the hallway floor. Really good operators got it right on the first try, others had to stop just short, then go up or down the last few inches.
Mom used to take us shopping in Shillito’s in Cincinnati. (Later, like Lazarus here in Columbus, it became a Macy’s. Cincinnati’s downtown store closed in 2018. The building was remade into condo’s, with, I presume, automatic elevators). The operator would call out the items available on each floor. Second floor was men’s clothing, third floor lingerie, fourth floor housewares, up to sixth floor furniture. So there was a man, a person; the man who ran the elevator.
The joke: “Mr. Elevator Operator, how’s your day going?”
The answer: “Well, it has its ups and downs.”
Electoral Horror!!!!!!!
In our current age of instant gratification, we seem to have a lot of “ups and downs”. Last week, Democrats seemed horrified about possible electoral changes in Nebraska. Now you would think that most Democrats wouldn’t care less about Red-Red-Red Nebraska. But there was always one “anomaly” that made Nebraska interesting (besides being the only unicameral, a one House state legislature, in the nation).
Nebraska and Maine are the only two states to split electoral votes by Congressional District. So while Republicans invariably won the state’s two overall electoral votes, the other three were split by Congressional Districts. And since one of those Districts included Omaha and Lincoln, Democrats often won one of the five Presidential electoral votes from Red-Red Nebraska.
But the state legislature – the single “house” at the State Capitol in Lincoln, considered changing the rules (at the behest of the Trump Campaign). The very Republican legislature talked about going to “winner take all”, just like the other forty-eight states. And that could be a “big deal” (Here we go…) What if Biden and Trump were close in the electoral college, 269 to 268? Then that single vote in Nebraska (or the single vote in Maine, split the same way) would make all the difference. Here we are, less the eight months ahead of the election, and the Republican unicameral legislature in Nebraska is going to change the rules? Democrats, cry FOUL!!!
Take a breath. They didn’t do it, yet, though MAGA forces are meeting in Omaha to try to pressure local Republicans. And even if they did, perhaps the bicameral (two house) Democratic legislature of Maine could change their rules to winner take all, a move that would usually mean a Democratic winner. But either way, for a few days it generated breathless predictions on Twitter, and MSNBC, and gave statisticians like Steve Kornacki additional air time.
Et Tu, Ohio??
And now: this just in from Columbus, Ohio. Fresh from the “horror” of the moon blocking out the sun, another scenario darkens the political landscape. Ohio election law has a requirement: candidates for office have to be “declared” to be on the state ballot, ninety days before the election. This year’s election is on November 5th, and ninety days before is August 5th. Seems reasonable: ballots have to be developed, proofed, printed and distributed in all 88 counties in the state – all of that takes time.
Here’s the “panic”. The Democratic Convention, where Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will be “officially” nominated for President and Vice President of the United States, starts in Chicago on August 19th and concludes on August 22nd. That’s more than two weeks after the Ohio deadline.
This isn’t the first time. In 2020, the pandemic conventions of both parties were after the deadline. The Democrats went first, about the same time, and the Republicans were in Cleveland the week after that! The Republican Ohio legislature did the reasonable thing. They waived the deadline for both the parties, putting them on a sixty day schedule.
Ahh, but this isn’t 2020. The Republican Convention, nominating Donald Trump in Milwaukee, will be July 15th to the 18th; in plenty of time for the Ohio law. So the question, the great crisis of this week, is will the very MAGA-Republican (bicameral) Ohio legislature grant the Democrats a waiver, or will they disallow the Democratic candidates for President and Vice-President of the United States from the ballots of the Great State of Ohio in 2024? Talk about crying FOUL!!
And if all that isn’t enough – Alabama is threatening to do the same thing.
A Long Way to November
Look, the Ohio legislature has done a lot of “low down” and “dirty politics” in the recent past, and certainly shows no shame in doing so. But to prevent the people of Ohio from choosing to support the sitting President? That, probably, is too far, even for them (though I can’t speak for Alabama). I suspect there will be some kind of accommodation, even though every elected state official or body in Ohio is Republican: the Secretary of State, the Lieutenant Governor, the Governor, a four of seven justices majority on the Ohio Supreme Court and super-majorities in both houses of the legislature.
Surely, they won’t have the audacity, the arrogance, the narcissism, to keep Biden off the ballot. Surely, they wouldn’t do that (and please stop calling me Shirley – thanks Airplane!!).
We’ve got a long way to go until November. If we hyper-ventilate every time something weird comes up, surely (hah!) we will all pass out, long before it comes time to vote.
There are going to be “ups and downs”. Ride it out, and get ready to do the real work to win an election. And while you’re doing all of that; breath!!!
