Powerful Women

Morning Routine

My morning routine is set in stone:  get up and take care of the five dogs, all looking for affection. They get their time outside, the morning round of medications (cased in cheese), and then breakfast.  Once they are satisfied, I begin the existential consumption of Starbuck’s French Roast coffee and face a blank word processor page on my MacBook Pro.  

 The “background noise” to all of this is MSNBC’s Morning Joe.  I always have “half an ear” on what’s going on in the country and the world as I prepare five breakfasts and  grind a batch of beans for the thick-black coffee, though I tune that ear out when Joe (of Morning Joe) goes off on his daily rants.  

There’s always a recap of the nation and the world, and there’s often the most important guests of the day.  Co-host Miki Brezhenski has a strong interest in empowering women.  Not only does she bring the most powerful women in the country on “the air”, but Miki ramrods world conferences designed to advance women. Such strong figures as Huma Abedin and Amal Clooney are often on, as well as former Senator Claire McCaskill and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

And that got me thinking:  I’ve always thought women could do anything.  I’ve always anticipated that women are powerful, in the family, and as co-workers, bosses, and friends. Then I realized:  I’ve been surrounded by powerful women my entire life. No wonder I anticipate powerful women, it’s been that way since I was born.

Mom

I always knew my parents had an equal partnership in their marriage.  They made decisions together and shared equally in all of the important moves our family made.  There wasn’t, ever; “Wait ‘til your father gets home”.  In my youngest days, Dad was on the road selling television shows for much of the week.  Mom “ran the show” here at home, through six different houses and five different towns. 

But I didn’t find out until I was fourteen that Mom was a member of British Special Operations Executive during World War II.  Mom was essentially a spy, dropped into enemy territory by small airplanes to deliver messages, supplies, and plan and carry out espionage missions.  She was one of the small percent of SOE agents who survived the war.  She handled that, then left her home in England, family and country to come to America with Dad. After that, three kids, a house, a dog and the world really weren’t that big a challenge.  (To read more about my Mom – here’s her writing – My Story.)

Mom always took on projects, but was happy to take care of us kids (there were three) and partner in Dad’s career.  They were a team as he moved up the corporate ladder, from salesman to sales manager, station manager to Vice President, and finally President of Multimedia Program Productions.   When Dad wanted to “make a sale”, or evaluate a future employee, or needed advice – Mom was the go-to.  Whether it was a fancy dinner in New York, or around the family table in Cincinnati; they were a “team”.

No Limits

So I never learned that there were “limits” about what women could do – Mom broke all of those “rules” before I was ever born.  That was the lesson she taught my sisters as well.  In fact, all of us learned that there really weren’t limits.  Mom and Dad encouraged us to reach for whatever dream we wanted to follow – then put in the hard work to get it done. 

 And even though Mom didn’t have a “job” or “profession” while we were growing up, we all inherited the “Dahlman trait” of working hard.  In fact, we all still share that, a willingness to lose ourselves in our work, both physically and mentally.  It’s the “work ethic” (perhaps of the 1960’s) that doesn’t really understand the new term “work/life balance”.

In the Family

My older sister became a brain surgeon.  She was a woman entering a “man’s” field, not the first by any means, but an early barrier breaker in the 1970’s.  She was hazed and emotionally abused by her “mentors”; both as part of the “traditional” internship process, and even more so because she “dared” to think she could be “one of the boys”.  

But she ultimately succeeded.  They redesigned the operating table so she could work while she was pregnant with twins. She became the “premier” neuro-surgeon in her hospital and had a full career, retiring at the “top” of her game.  Her skill set didn’t just include surgery.  She brought unusual empathy for the patient and their family to the table as well.

My middle sister dedicated her life to her artwork.  She followed her art from New York to Seattle to Oakland and back to the “Big Apple”, always putting in the hard work that makes artistic expression a reality.  She switched from printing, to painting, to three dimensional “soft” sculpting.  It was her passion, her vocation and avocation, and she continues to put in those long hours even to today.

Mom made sure there were “no limits” on what they could do, and certainly not  limited as a woman.

Profession

I worked with powerful women.  One co-worker became the first woman to coach a men’s team at our high school.  Through example, she taught both girls and boys that women had the knowledge and skills to be a powerful force, and achieve whatever goals they set.  She coached at the highest high school levels, guiding athletes of both genders to the State finals.  She was a pioneer, in a field dominated by men who learned to respect her knowledge and dedication.  And she was (and is) a good friend.

Another co-worker was an early woman in the ranks of high school administration.  After a career as a superb teacher, she was overlooked for administration again and again.  But she stayed in the fight, finally achieving an assistant principal’s position, and ultimately running a high school as the principal.  She brought a whole different skill-set and attitude to the job of running a high school, one that included empathy as well as control and leadership.  To this day, former teachers and students speak her name with a special fondness and even reverence.

Jenn 

And finally, I married a powerful woman, Jenn.  She too broke into a field where men were the“norm”, computer programming for the US Government.  She wasn’t the first, but faced the same prejudice that my sister faced in medicine, and my friends faced in education.  And she did it the hard way, learning in an industry that completely changed over and over again throughout her career. 

She raised a great son as a single mom, designed most of the changes as we expanded our joint home, and now, in retirement, is dedicated to returning lost dogs to their owners.  Jenn and I, like my parents, are full partners in our lives, making  our decisions together.  It’s the way we both are; neither would have it any other way.

For those men who are uncomfortable “competing” with women – get over it.  Women learned how to overcome prejudice and misogyny a long time ago.  In the process, they became strong and skillful.  It’s made them more than “equal” to the task at hand.   The sooner men accept that, the better we all will be.