This is the next in the “Sunday Story” series – no politics here – just a story of what this “stupid human” managed to do to himself.
Three Score and Six
So I turned sixty-six last week. Sixty-six…that’s two-thirds of a century. Four years to go until the Biblical “end” at three score and ten. I don’t plan on seventy as an end, but there’s no fooling that sixty ain’t the “new forty”. There are some things that change.
I worked a Cross Country meet last week, my favorite, the McGowan at Watkins Memorial. There I was, one of the gray-haired guys at the finish line, when two runners came over the ropes. That’s not allowed; we keep the finish area clear for just the incoming runners. But those two seemed to feel entitled. I went up to them, politely, to suggest they get back over and out of the finish area. It wasn’t until I got closer, almost face to face, that I realized they weren’t kids at all. They weren’t even “kid coaches”, they were older than that. So I have become “that” old guy, I can’t tell coaches from athletes anymore.
Florida Man
One of my goals was to not be the “headline” old man. I’m sure you’ve seen the headlines: “Sixty-six year old man falls off roof”, “Sixty-six year old man dragged down road while walking dog,” “Sixty-six year old man hit by tree he cut down.” It’s almost as bad as being a “Florida Man”. I just didn’t want to be that guy, that headline. But here’s my headline:
“Sixty-six year old man flips lawn tractor.”
How many times in the past forty years have I put a vehicle onto a trailer – many. But this was obviously one too many. Long story short – I drove a lawn tractor up onto a tilted garden trailer, which was supposed to fall to level when the tractor got in the middle. The trailer went down, and I hit the brake. But it went back up – and the tractor rolled off of the back and flipped over backwards – on top of me.
M.D. – MD
I am actually incredibly lucky. I could have literally broken my neck, or back, or whatever. As it was, Jenn and my neighbor helped get the tractor off of me, and I jumped up. My head was a bit muddled from the impact, and my elbow was scraped. But otherwise – I was OK – I thought. After a few minutes to re-group, we got the tractor back on the trailer, and went off to do the work we planned.
But as I was working, I noticed that my left shoulder wasn’t functioning in a normal fashion. In fact, lifting my arm above my shoulder seemed to be an issue, and a painful one at that. As the day went on, I figured that I damaged my rotator cuff – the tendons that hold the top of your arm bone, your humerus, into the shoulder joint (after all, Marty Dahlman, MD!!).
Unfortunately I was “righter” than I thought.
Dr C
The shoulder progressively got worse. Ten days later, I was visiting my “on call” Orthopedic Surgeon, Dr. C. He already operated on my knee a few years ago, cleaning out the cartilage I tore kicking mulch on the cross country course. Scheduling the visit itself was a “modern miracle”. I went to the website, found my surgeon, and all of his available appointments all over town popped-up. I chose a close location, and was all set. No waiting on hold, no need for a referral. I wish the rest of my medical consultants had that plan.
Being sixty-six changes medical attitudes. I didn’t realize that until my first appointment with the Dr. C. He had a young resident working with him, and that guy got the first “crack” at checking my shoulder. He did all usual tests: “Lift to here, press to there, squeeze – did that hurt?” And after, before Dr. C came in, he gave us his conclusions. It started with: “We usually don’t do surgeries on sixty-six year olds. You have a serious “deficit”, but the rest of your arm is working. Maybe a cortisone shot, a few months of rehabilitation, and we can see what is going on. And I don’t think you need an MRI…” – here’s the kicker – “…that would just ‘muddy the waters’”.
Then Doc C. comes in and does the same series of tests. At the end, he says some similar things, but also says, “If we really want to know, you need an MRI”.
I really wanted to know.
Results
Five days later, I’m falling asleep in the MRI machine (they woke me up and told me to stop twitching). I got a DVD of the results, which I carefully carried back to the Doc C. I was taken to an exam room, and as I passed the office, I saw both doctors intently viewing a colorful computer screen. There were pointing at one particular spot. Finally Doc C came in to my room, and said with his customary bluntness – “You need surgery. The tendon at the top of your humerus is completely detached. You are too active, and you won’t be happy with anything else”.
Shoulder surgery – six weeks in a sling that includes a pillow to keep your arm away from your body and a ball to squeeze to maintain lower arm strength. Sleeping sitting up – no chance of moving the arm in my dreams. And, by the way, it’s my left shoulder, and I am left handed. So there’s all of that.
Stupid Human
The surgery is scheduled in ten days. Of course, my “regular” doctor has to sign off (that’s Tuesday) and my Cardiologist too (that’s next Monday). But if all goes “well”, I’ll go “under the arthroscope” a week from Wednesday. Then I’ll spend the next six weeks in the “sling”, and the next six months in rehab.
My goals: we’re smoking the turkey for Thanksgiving, something that will be difficult to do with only one arm. And I’ve got an indoor track meet to officiate scheduled for the first week of December. And I’ve also got to keep Jenn from killing me in the meantime.
So if essays on “Our America” seem to slow down – remember – pain killers and one handed typing. And meanwhile, no more stupid human tricks – at least for a while. But there will be outdoor Christmas lights. And those gutters always need to be cleaned!!
The Sunday Story Series
- Riding the Dog – 1/24/21
- Hiking with Jack – 1/31/21
- A Track Story – 2/7/21
- Ritual – 2/14/21
- Voyageur – 2/19/21
- A Dog Story – 2/25/21
- A Watkins Legend – 3/7/21
- Ghosts at Gettysburg – 3/14/21
- Lessons from the State Meet – 3/28/21
- More Lessons from the State – 4/4/21
- Stories from the Road – 4/11/21
- A Bear Wants You – 5/1/21
- My Teachers – 5/9/21
- Old Friends – 5/23/21
- The Gift – 6/6/21
- Echoes of Mom – 6/20/21
- Stories of the Fourth – 7/3/21
- Running Memories – 7/25/21
- Lost Dog of Eldora – 8/1/21
- Dogs and Medals – 8/8/21
- The New Guy – 9/5/21
- Stories of 9-11 – 9/12/21
- The Interview – 9/26/21
- Night Moves – 10/3/21
- Funeral for a Friend – 10/11/21
- National Security – 10/24/21
- Boots on the Trail – 10/31/21
- Taking Care of Mom and Dad – 11/14./21
- Dogs Found and Lost – 11/21/21
- Watching Brian 12/12/21
- Stories from Shiloh – 12/19/21
- Team Trips – 12/26/21
- Uphill, Both Ways – 1/9/22
- Old Trophies – 1/30/22
- The Last Time – 2/7/22
- Olympic Miracles – 2/13/22
- Mind Numbing – 2/20/22
- Track Weather – 4/3/22
- What’s Missing – 4/11/22
- A Scouting Story – 4/17/22
- Waterproof Paper – 5/8/22
- Origin Stories – 5/22/22
- Origin Stories – Part Two 5/29/22
- Back at State – 6/5/22
- Out in the Country – 6/19/22
- Pataskala Downs – 7/4/22
- Car Stories I – 7/24/22
- Car Stories II – 7/31/22
- Old Man Experience – 8/7/22
- Cross Country Camp – 8/14/22
- New to the Pack – 8/21/22
- Car Stories III – The Bus – 8/28/22
- A Day in the Life – 9/4/22
- Stupid Human Tricks – 9/18/22
