What We’ve Lost
In the early 1990’s I was involved in a ugly and bitter dispute in my little corner of the world; Pataskala, Ohio. It involved the school coaches, a lawyer who had a gripe against them, and the school board. In the midst of this, I got some advice from a friend.
This friend was an “old school” coach. While he hadn’t been a high school coach for all that long, he had been coaching kids for thirty years (that was “old” for me back then.) He was a “bear of a man,” a coach who cared about kids, and who had a lot of the best values of his time.
I was struggling to understand how the dispute had gotten so ugly: lawsuits threatened, public claims of corruption. I didn’t get it: we disagreed; but instead of arguing with the means, but agreeing on the ends that all sides wanted to help kids, it was a “newer” way to disagree. It was “agree with me or you are a bad person who needs to be destroyed.”
My old coach friend told me a story about his union (his day job.) He said in the union meetings there would be incredibly loud and intense arguments, both sides trying to get their point across to the membership. The members would vote, a decision made, and the meeting would end. Then all sides would head out to a bar and drink beer.
“This is the way men argue,” the old coach would say, “Argue until it was done, then shake hands and go drink beer.” “Women,” he said “would argue and then hold a grudge forever. They would plot and scheme to ‘get back’ at the other side. No hand shake, no beer, just fighting forever.” My friend would then make the ultimate insult to the other side, “…they fight like women, not men.”
This was far before the “Me Too” era; but even then I recognized that this was a “sexist” way of viewing the world. I knew women who fought just as hard as men, and shook hands and drank just as much beer as well. But, with the gender identities taken out, my friend was making a greater point. Why can’t we recognize that we can fight and argue about the means but still agree on the ends?
President Obama, in his eulogy to John McCain made a similar point. He recognized that there were many areas where he and McCain disagreed quite publicly. But President Obama knew that at the end of the day, they were both on the “same team.” They differed widely on the means to achieve it, but they both believed in making the United States a better place. I’m betting the quiet drinks they had at the White House afterwards weren’t beers, but Scotch still makes the point.
Perhaps the era of being “on the same team” has passed. We are now in a time when anyone we disagree with must be “locked up,” or completely destroyed. Our “Reality TV” version of politics doesn’t allow for respect, or fairness, or a beer at the end of the day.
We are seeing it today with the total disrespect of the Trump Administration towards the Democrats in Congress. Last night, the White House dumped 42,000 documents about their Supreme Court Appointee Brett Kavanaugh on the Judiciary Committee. The hearings begin today; it’s impossible that Democrats could review those documents, but the Republicans don’t care. Instead the hearings will roll on; Chairman Grassley and the Republicans will get their nominee on the Court, “by hook or crook.”
And there is little Democrats can do.
Kavanaugh in another time would have been vetted and questioned, and probably approved by wide margin of US Senators. While Democrats (and me) certainly disagree with his views, he is the “…model of a modern Supreme Court Justice.” If he didn’t represent the pivotal deciding vote, he would be a “walk-through” like Justice Gorsuch was.
But he is that critical vote. Upon this appointment may stand the fate of the civil rights reforms of the past forty years. Kavanaugh’s writings on the Court of Appeals in cases relating to Roe v Wade are more than scary. So it’s going to be an ugly debate, and there will be recriminations on all sides, towards “enemy” and “friend” both. However this turns out (and it’s difficult to see any other outcome besides Kavanaugh’s approval) there will be no shared beer, or Scotch, after it’s over. It’s another sign of our times, and what we’ve lost.
Whoa. Truth here in many aspects.