The Nuclear Apprentice
Today begins the climax of the “Celebrity Apprentice goes Nuclear” season. Last week, President Trump was in the outdoor boardroom in Quebec, where he was able to say his famous phrase “your fired” to America’s strongest allies of the last seventy years. Trump particularly tried to humble the young and handsome Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau, who had the audacity of trying to treat “the Donald” as an equal.
The Quebec boardroom episode left America and the world in suspense. Would Donald develop a new alliance with the Russians and Chinese? Was Donald simply making the old allies “work harder” to keep traditional balances, so that he can take advantage of the chaos? Is the President working his famous “gut” to find a better deal? Or, as some fear, is Donald under the influence of his secret boardroom advisors, who have as their goal a New World Order (NWO – also a pro-wrestling team and a rap music group) where the US doesn’t need allies.
That was last week. The President left the episode calling Trudeau a weak back-stabber. He stepped on the famous Trump Airliner (now Air Force One) and flew off to exotic Singapore, where this year’s final episode is being filmed.
In this week’s edition, the President goes nuclear. He meets with Kim Jung-un, the “boy leader” of North Korea. Kim has developed his nation into a nuclear power with ballistic missiles despite US and world sanctions, and now wants his seat in the “boardroom.” Trump wants Kim to give up all of his nuclear and ballistic missiles, Kim wants Trump to lift the sanctions to allow North Korea to grow economically, and remove US troops from the region.
The problem: if Kim gives up his weapons, then, like Trudeau, he will appear weak – the biggest failure in the Trump world. Weakness in the boardroom means only one thing: “you’re fired” (which hopefully doesn’t translate into the North Korean term for “fire the missiles” to prove you’re not weak.)
Kim has been preparing for this episode literally his whole life. While he might appear as a “boy king,” Kim has over and over demonstrated his ruthlessness. In a previous episode he sent a captured American student back to the US physically destroyed and on the verge of death. That was a different season, but he brings that “strength” to the boardroom, a trait that “the Donald” needs to take into consideration.
The President comes into the meeting with his famous ability to “make a deal.” He also has raised the stakes of this episode: after last week is his famous “gut” able to make this deal work, or will we have a season finale where all of Trump’s deals fall through? And if the negotiations get into the “nitty-gritty” details, will the President be prepared? He hasn’t studied for this meeting, he says, he’s been preparing “all of his life.”
The President says he’ll know within minutes of the start whether Kim will make a deal or not. Old viewers of American policy, might remember President George W Bush’s claim that he could “…look Vladimir Putin in the eyes and see into his soul.” The soul turned out to be cold and empty, much to Bush’s surprise. Putin turned his nation away from democracy, and moved to a kleptocratic autocracy.
But “the Donald” has a special weapon at his disposal. Look for a guest appearance by that famous character of the nineties, basketball legend Dennis Rodman. Rodman has previously developed a rapport with Kim, who appears in awe of the pierced and tattooed member of the famous Michael Jordan Chicago Bulls. If Trump can’t find a way to get some concessions from Kim, perhaps Rodman can.
But there might be success even in failure for “the Donald.” The secret boardroom advisors are looking for an excuse for war: if “the Donald” fails in Singapore, they can then say that he did everything he could, and it’s time for the US to move. Trump advisor John Bolton has been preparing for that scenario for years. In a New World Order based on strength, Bolton wants a show of US might against someone: if not Iran, North Korea might well work.
But that is a script from next year’s season. Today we brace for the season finale, “Trump goes nuclear.” Let’s hope the episode title isn’t too prophetic.
The chance of Kim actually turning over or destroying his nuclear weapons are less than the chance of Air Force One successfully flying to Mars, even if Rodman were pilot.
But that’s not a reason not to try – perfection is never achieveable but pursuit of perfection is crucial.
Kim loves American stuff, and one of his favorites must the cartoon in which Lucy “promises” to hold the football for Charlie Brown to kick.
I’m more concerned about Trump’s treatment of our allies such as Canada. The next time something in the world goes South, which a matter of when not if, we will need all the friends we can get.