{"id":5926,"date":"2022-09-18T09:32:37","date_gmt":"2022-09-18T13:32:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dahlman.online\/?p=5926"},"modified":"2023-06-11T11:45:45","modified_gmt":"2023-06-11T15:45:45","slug":"stupid-human-tricks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dahlman.online\/index.php\/2022\/09\/18\/stupid-human-tricks\/","title":{"rendered":"Stupid Human Tricks"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

This is the next in the \u201cSunday Story\u201d series \u2013 no politics here \u2013 just a story of what this \u201cstupid human\u201d managed to do to himself.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Three Score and Six<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

So I turned sixty-six last week.   Sixty-six\u2026that\u2019s two-thirds of a century.  Four years to go until the Biblical “end” at three score and ten.  I don\u2019t plan on seventy as an end, but there\u2019s no fooling that sixty ain\u2019t the \u201cnew forty\u201d.  There are some things that change.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I worked a Cross Country meet last week, my favorite, the McGowan at Watkins Memorial.  There I was, one of the gray-haired guys at the finish line, when two runners came over the ropes.  That\u2019s not allowed; we keep the finish area clear for just the incoming runners.  But those two seemed to feel entitled.  I went up to them, politely, to suggest they get back over and out of the finish area.  It wasn\u2019t until I got closer, almost face to face, that I realized they weren\u2019t kids at all.  They weren\u2019t even \u201ckid coaches\u201d, they were older than that.  So I have become \u201cthat\u201d old guy, I can\u2019t tell coaches from athletes anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Florida Man<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

One of my goals was to not be the \u201cheadline\u201d old man.  I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve seen the headlines:  \u201cSixty-six year old man falls off roof\u201d, \u201cSixty-six year old man dragged down road while walking dog,\u201d \u201cSixty-six year old man hit by tree he cut down.\u201d  It\u2019s almost as bad as being a \u201cFlorida Man<\/a>\u201d.   I just didn\u2019t want to be that guy, that headline.  But here\u2019s my headline:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSixty-six year old man flips lawn tractor.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How many times in the past forty years have I put a vehicle onto a trailer \u2013 many.  But this was obviously one too many.  Long story short \u2013 I drove a lawn tractor up onto a tilted garden trailer, which was supposed to fall to level when the tractor got in the middle.  The trailer went down,  and I hit the brake.  But it went back up \u2013 and the tractor rolled off of the back and flipped over backwards – on top of me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M.D. – MD<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I am actually incredibly lucky.  I could have literally broken my neck, or back, or whatever.  As it was, Jenn and my neighbor helped get the tractor off of me, and I jumped up.  My head was a bit muddled from the impact, and my elbow was scraped.  But otherwise \u2013 I was OK \u2013 I thought.  After a few minutes to re-group, we got the tractor back on the trailer, and went off to do the work we planned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But as I was working, I noticed that my left shoulder wasn\u2019t functioning in a normal fashion.  In fact, lifting my arm above my shoulder seemed to be an issue, and a painful one at that.  As the day went on, I figured that I damaged my rotator cuff \u2013 the tendons that hold the top of your arm bone, your humerus, into the shoulder joint (after all, Marty Dahlman, MD!!).  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unfortunately I was \u201crighter\u201d than I thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr C<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The shoulder progressively got worse.  Ten days later, I was visiting my \u201con call\u201d Orthopedic Surgeon, Dr. C.  He already operated on my knee a few years ago, cleaning out the cartilage I tore kicking mulch on the cross country course.   Scheduling the visit itself was a \u201cmodern miracle\u201d.  I  went to the website, found my surgeon, and all of his available appointments all over town popped-up.  I chose a close location, and was all set. No waiting on hold, no need for a referral. I wish the rest of my medical consultants had that plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being sixty-six changes medical attitudes.  I didn\u2019t realize that until my first appointment with the Dr. C.  He had a young resident working with him, and that guy got the first \u201ccrack\u201d at  checking my shoulder.  He did all usual tests:  \u201cLift to here, press to there,  squeeze \u2013 did that hurt?\u201d  And after, before Dr. C came in, he gave us his conclusions.  It started with:  \u201cWe usually don\u2019t do surgeries on sixty-six year olds.  You have a serious \u201cdeficit\u201d, but the rest of your arm is working.  Maybe a cortisone shot, a few months of rehabilitation, and we can see what is going on.  And I don\u2019t think you need an MRI\u2026\u201d \u2013 here\u2019s the kicker \u2013 \u201c\u2026that would just \u2018muddy the waters\u2019\u201d.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then Doc C. comes in and does the same series of tests.  At the end, he says some similar things, but also says, \u201cIf we really want to know, you need an MRI\u201d.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I really wanted to know.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Results<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Five days later, I\u2019m falling asleep in the MRI machine (they woke me up and told me to stop twitching).  I got a DVD of the results, which I carefully carried  back to the Doc C.  I was taken to an exam room, and as I passed the office, I saw both doctors intently viewing a colorful computer screen.  There were pointing at one particular spot.  Finally Doc C came in to my room, and said with his customary bluntness \u2013 \u201cYou need surgery.  The tendon at the top of your humerus is completely detached.  You are too active, and  you won\u2019t be happy with anything else\u201d.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shoulder surgery \u2013 six weeks in a sling that includes a pillow to keep your arm away from your body and a ball to squeeze to maintain lower arm strength.  Sleeping sitting up – no chance of moving the arm in my dreams. And, by the way, it\u2019s my left shoulder, and I am left handed.  So there\u2019s all of that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stupid Human<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The surgery is scheduled in ten days.  Of course, my \u201cregular\u201d doctor has to sign off (that\u2019s Tuesday) and my Cardiologist too (that\u2019s next Monday).  But if all goes \u201cwell\u201d, I\u2019ll go \u201cunder the arthroscope\u201d a week from Wednesday.  Then I\u2019ll spend the next six weeks in the \u201csling\u201d, and the next six months in rehab.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My goals:  we\u2019re smoking the turkey for Thanksgiving, something that will be difficult to do with only one arm.  And I\u2019ve got an indoor track meet to officiate scheduled for the first week of December.  And I\u2019ve also got to keep Jenn from killing me in the meantime. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if essays on \u201cOur America\u201d seem to slow down \u2013 remember \u2013 pain killers and one handed typing.  And meanwhile, no more stupid human tricks \u2013 at least for a while.  But there will be outdoor Christmas lights.  And those gutters always need to be cleaned!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Sunday Story Series<\/h5>\n\n\n\n